You’ve hurt me again. I lie here in tangled sheets a mess of raw nerves unable to sleep. My hear races trying to keep up with the thoughts that are chasing each other through my brain. Frustratingly I roll over and try to go to sleep but eventually give up and get up to sit in the corner chair. Wrapping myself in a blanket I sit and stare out the window into the night sky as if the answers to my questions are out there somewhere. I’m so tired of questioning myself about your choices. Why you wouldn’t stop in and see me after driving three hours to visit our mom in the hospital. I was only another 15 minutes away. It wouldn’t have taken much more time, even a five-minute visit would have been enough. Or why not let me know you were coming so I could have met you at the hospital? Why didn’t you want to see me? We’re sisters, aren’t we? What I would give to feel comfortable enough to call you and ask you these questions. However, I know you feel little empathy or compassion when it comes to me, which saddens me even more. I find myself wondering why the most toxic people in our lives are usually related to us. Why is that? Who decided to tether our hearts to people who overlook, ignore, and dismiss us over and over again? The first rays of sunset rouse me from these thoughts and I stumble back to my cold sheets and try to find some sleep before morning has fully arrived.
This is really sad. I have a sister I haven’t seen in many years and she only loves 10 miles away.
I’m sorry to hear that.