Ribbons dance in the breeze.
Fluttering and rippling
Attached to kites that
Dance and twirl
All on the same wind
A sky full of every color
The world has ever seen
And some they haven’t.
And underneath children
Twirl and flutter around
Faces full of smiles
As squeals and giggles join the
Kites in the sky.
This little guy has used up one of his lives. The vet said he probably had a blood clot and his full recovery and regaining the use of his back legs is remarkable. He’s doing great again. I feel so lucky to have been given at least a little more time with him.
Funny story: Last night I checked up on him and he looked at me like, “I’m fine, mom. You can quit checking on me every half hour.” 🤣🤣
Movement outside the window
Catches my eye.
A flick of a tail on a suspended
String of lights
Hello old friend,
You survived another winter
And have returned.
Another nest to build.
Another family to raise
Under the protective eaves
Of my porch.
My heart smiles.
Welcome home.
The past few days have been an emotional roller coaster for me. My older cat, Patches, has been having a very rough time since Sunday. That night and most of Monday, he didn’t eat or drink anything, and he just stayed in his bed all day. So tearfully I was planning on taking him to the vet on Tuesday to have him examined. But then late Monday night he started eating again, so I started feeling hopeful. However, I did go to bed not knowing if he would be with me in the morning. Not only was he still here, but he was also eating and drinking and mooching treats. But his back legs weren’t working correctly at all, and he was having extreme balance issues. But he seemed to be getting stronger, so the Tuesday visit to the vet became a plan to go today. Today, he has continued to grow stronger; he’s still wobbly but not nearly as bad as yesterday. This is where the questions begin. Is he suffering? I don’t know, most likely in some ways, yes. Then there’s the whole quality of life versus quantity of life debate that’s been raging in my mind. I don’t want him to suffer, but I don’t want to cut his life short, either. It’s just so difficult to not be selfish and keep him around just so I don’t have to lose him. I mean, I know he’s 17 and nature is going to run its course, but man, that selfish side just wants to wring out every second I can with him. It certainly doesn’t help that the first anniversary of my mom’s death is rapidly approaching and the idea of a resurgence of grief over her swirling with fresh grief if I lose him is overwhelming. How much pain and sadness can I take before I crumble into dust? But then I think about how he depends on me to do the right thing no matter how much it breaks my heart. I just have to wait and see how he does in the next few minutes, hours, and hopefully days.
Major life events become
Rubber bands wrapped
Around our life time.
As time passes
It can stretch
To make it
Seem like forever
And when it relaxes
The event
No matter how long ago
Seems like mere days
Have gone by.
Years may pass
Before the band
Loses its elasticity
And the event eases
Itself into real time.
Until that happens,
Humanity is stuck
In a limbo of
Push and pull
On our conscious memory.
Time seems to move fast
And slow all at once.
And we just drift with it.
One year ago today, my mom went into the hospital, for what would turn out to be, the last time. It’s another one of those firsts that I’ve had to face since my mom passed. I’m running out of time to have those first moments though. In five weeks it will be a year since she died. That in and of itself seems impossible. That day, her last in this house seems so long ago, yet it seems like it happened last week — such a strange sensation, to bounce from one distance of time to another. Somehow, I’ve found the strength to get through my first summer without her, the first fall, her birthday, holidays, all without her here. There have been moments of unbelievable pain and moments of peace where I’ve found some kind of acceptance. Even though pure acceptance has yet to materialize in my heart, I still can’t believe she’s gone and in some ways, now that so much time has passed, I can. And back and forth I go.
Two days ago it was
Enjoyable enough to sit outside,
T-shirt bared arms warming in the
Early spring sun.
Buds starting to pop
On branches.
Trees and humans alike
Foolishly thinking
Winter was finally over.
Somewhere
Mother Nature
Threw her head back
And laughed.
Stretching of the mind
To accommodate new ways
To look at the world.
The overwhelming
Feeling that forever melts
All hearts and reason.
The world’s so quiet
Now that the howling is gone
I revel in peace
My supervisor messaged me a little while ago. She wants me to finish out my internship so they can start giving me paid work! I did it!! 🎉🎉🎉