Until You Did

You swore you’d never hurt me

Until you did.

Today your control snapped

Like an overstretched rubber band.

Your rough hands holding me.

Lips smashed against mine

As I scream “No!” over and over.

My hands feebly trying to push you

Away.

That wasn’t the worst part

That came as you were leaving

I was still feebly saying, “No.”

In shock and mindlessness.

You turned back to me and

Emphatically said, “Yes.”

Like there was no arguing the point.

I was yours to do

With as you wished.

Then the door closed

And you were gone.

And I was left

To pick up the pieces

Of my shattered reality.

The Sneeze That Woke the Beast

***A fable about the last few days of my life***

 

Sitting on the sofa, I watch some mountain monster hunting show and breathe. The night before had been one of the most torturous of my life. The left side of my back had been seized by some creature’s claws that kept squeezing the muscles over and over again. I was wracked with pain so intense it left me uttering shuddering moans in between its grip. With the help of heating pads and painkillers, I had gotten the thing to let go, and now, in my mind’s eye, I could see it slumbering. I could also see its bony hand loosely draped against my back. I hoped it would stay asleep forever. Then I felt it, a foreboding tickle in my nose. My heart sank as it grew and I realized I was going to sneeze. My shoulders shifted forward, and my back curled over on itself as my nose exploded. I sat in terror waiting to see if it would set off a new series of spasms. I closed my eyes and prayed. I could see it, eyes still closed but its breathing was uneven, and as I watched I saw the whites of its eye appear and then its pupil roll down. It stretched and wrapped its claws around my back again and started to squeeze. I hobbled hunchbacked into the kitchen to get the heating pad again. Hoping a warm blanket would put it back to sleep so that I could sleep tonight. Unfortunately, it didn’t, and I didn’t.

*** A few years ago, I was plagued by back spasms every few months. They had gone away as mysteriously as they appeared and it wasn’t until Monday night that I was reminded just how excruciatingly painful they were. I’ve been pretty much sofa-bound this week, unable to even type because the action of leaning forward would cause the muscle to tighten again. This morning, my back began feeling normal again. I’m still exceedingly cautious in every movement I make. I’m living life at the speed of a tai chi master.  ***