So, good news! I passed my exams with a high enough average score to qualify for an internship with a transcription company! Yeah!! I’ll find out more details tomorrow, and I’m pretty anxious about it. I’m not questioning my skills or abilities; I’m wondering whether or not my time as a caregiver will be an obstacle to me getting a job. I haven’t worked since the summer of 2005. I spent the last 13 years caring for my mother full time. Ideally, I’m hoping my work will speak enough about who I am that the work gap won’t be a factor for prospective employers. Realistically I know there are people out there who don’t see caregiving for an elderly parent or a family member as work. My own siblings slightly fall into that category, although now that our mother is gone, I feel like they are beginning to see what my reality was like. It was work. It was 16 hour days, 7 days a week, 365 days a year nonstop. I’m hoping those I encounter in my job search will be empathetic and realize that what I did was work. I have the skills to do this job well and be an asset to any company I end up working for. I just hope I get the opportunity to prove my worth and the 13-year work gap won’t be a hindrance. I hope potential employers will see that my caregiving shows that I am dedicated, that I am a hard worker, and I would be a valuable employee to add to their team. So onwards and upwards with fingers crossed.
Tag Archives: anxiety
Heartbeat
I’ve just woken up
First thoughts drifting
Through my mind.
And my heart is racing.
Each throb and beat
Feels like it wants to
Push through my chest.
I wake up like this
I go to bed like this.
Anxiety and nervous
Fretting over a future
Yet to be written
But feels like
It’s already set in
Stone.
Tomorrow’s the Big Day
Well, ladies and gents, tomorrow is the day I undergo carpal tunnel surgery on my left wrist. Less than a day away and my nerves and anxiety are through the roof. But I am so ready to find relief from the constant numbness, tingling, and pain that shoot through my entire hand and arm if I move it the wrong way. I had my right wrist done in August of 2016 and had instant relief, and even though my left wrist is in worse shape, I’m hoping that this procedure will be just as successful. Please keep me in your thoughts and send good vibes in my direction. I’ll try to post again, later on, this week with an update on how things went.
Jurassic-sized Anxiety
I went and saw the movie “Jurassic World: Lost Kingdom” today and I’ll discuss it in a minute but first I need to talk about something else first. I’ve had driving anxiety my whole life. I just can’t seem to relax when I’m driving. I’m always waiting for something bad to happen. For some reason today it was worse than ever. Maybe it was exacerbated by my grief, it was the first movie I’ve gone to since my mom died. All I know is that my anxiety was my alarm clock this morning and woke me up way too early with its racing heart and thoughts. I found myself trying to rationalize not going today by telling myself that the movie will still be there on Monday. I was committed to the idea of going today. So I pushed through it and got in my car. The 15-minute drive there was horrible. I thought my heart was going to beat a hole through my chest it was racing so hard. My fight or flight sense was kicked into overdrive and kept telling me to turn around and go home. It was hard to fight against what felt like my most basic instincts and not go back home. I have been looking forward to seeing the movie on the big screen for months, and that is what helped me push through and make it to the theater. I wish I could be like everyone else around me who just jumps into their car and goes without any hesitation but that’s not me. Anyway, onto the main attraction.
“Jurassic World: Lost Kingdom” overall wasn’t what I expected at all. It felt like an effort to take the story in an entirely new direction and I’m not sure if I like that or not. It just felt like it was lacking the wonder and imagination the first films possessed. It had a sadder tone to it that made me somewhat uncomfortable. It raised some interesting questions though and the ending definitely leaves a door wide open for another film in the franchise, which will be unlike anything we’ve seen before. My biggest complaint about the film though is the lack of John Williams’ brilliant theme song that has been in all the films. There was one moment where I heard it hinted at but that was it. Maybe that’s one reason why I didn’t feel the same way about this one. Sorry for the vagueness of this but I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet.