Today my sisters and I met with mom’s doctors and realized that we are not talking about sending her to rehab. The brutal truth, that we finally faced today is that she is ready for hospice care. She is just so weak and in pain so much of the time that’s it’s not fair for her. I mean, we’re going to include her in discussions about what she wants but now it’s a matter of us telling her that it is okay to go and that we will be fine moving forward. The spiritual aspect of this experience is sweeping away the physical. The past couple of days she has been seeing her mom, brother, and childhood friends who have all passed away. Knowing they are here and waiting to help her crossover is very comforting for us. We know she won’t make the journey to the next world alone. She’s going to leave a world where she is loved and enter different kind of world where she will have open arms and eternal love waiting for her. I’m gutted by this turn of events but I’m really trying to focus on the reunion that she is so close to having with those she has lost. I’m glad she is going to see them all again, it’s just hard knowing that in order for that to happen her family is going to have to say good-bye.
Another day of ups and downs. My mom’s swallowing test did not go well at all. She just doesn’t have the strength yet to swallow food so it’s ice chips and pudding for her. She was also on the less invasive bipap but we had an incredibly difficult time understanding what she was saying so they put her on a smaller mask for as long as she could handle it. The nurse threw out the word “hospice” for the first time today as well. So, while we are still hopeful, the reality of the future is creeping in more and more.