We stare at the monitors watching
Lines rise and fall.
Hissing machines are breathing for
The impossibly small looking woman
In the bed.
Our hearts skip beats when
We see the extra bumps
On the screen
Those indicate her breathing
And we continue hoping
And loving her with all we have.
Authors note: It’s strange where I’m finding inspiration during these difficult days spent in my mother’s hospital room. I never thought I would ever write about lines on life support monitor yet that’s what inspired me yesterday. Watching that line wiggle and knowing that meant my mom is still in there and still fighting to come back to her family. Words can’t express what that meant to my heart.
I just wanted to offer a brief update on my mom. She is still in the hospital after 9 days. She’s gotten better but also had her setbacks which have delayed her coming home. One delay was the fault of the hospital. One of the first antibiotics they gave her for her pneumonia negatively interacted with her blood thinner and she ended up having a blood vessel leak blood and fluid into her right knee which caused tremendous pain and swelling. So, it’s taken a few days for her to be able to walk on that leg again. Today she began having trouble breathing again so the increased her oxygen to 25 liters, at home she has been on 2 liters. So now they have to wait for her to be able to breathe on a lower amount again. I don’t know if I’m explaining this correctly or not. I really don’t understand the whole liters of oxygen thing. Everyone at the hospital wants her to go to rehab and then go home but she is determined to come home. She feels like she will recover faster here and she can have nurses and physical therapists come to the house. But I don’t want to get too ahead of the situation, I don’t even know when they are going to release her with the setback in her breathing today. Please, keep the good thoughts and prayers coming.
Last night my mom was rushed to the hospital. She is 87 now and has congestive heart failure among other ailments. Sitting here alone in the house we share seems so strange. We’ve been in this situation before but for some reason, this time seems different and I’m not sure why. Usually, I’m very worried about her but this time I’m not and I’m not sure how to feel about this. Maybe it’s because I know she is getting the best care and will probably be home in a few days or maybe I’m just resigned to the fact that she is getting older and know she won’t be with us forever. I don’t know. My sisters are handling communicating with her nurses because of my speech, which is fine. But somehow I feel like they have rallied the troops around each other and I’m on the outside of it all. I understand why I feel this way. Several years ago, they got together to talk about mom’s care and left me out of it. Here I was living with our mom and dealing with her medical issues on a daily basis but they felt it was ok to not consult me in any way. It really hurt. I talked to one of my sisters about it and she said that she had no idea I had been left out and promised to do better. And she has but yet here I am. My nerves and emotions are just raw right now and I’m still fighting my bronchitis so that has me at the edge of exhaustion from coughing all night. Anyway, if any of my readers could send prayers and good wishes her way, they would all be very much appreciated. And I will keep you all posted about her condition in the upcoming days.