The Fat Fellow on My Shoulder

I live with depression every day. It has been a part of me since college, a fat little fellow who sits on my shoulder and whispers lies in my ear constantly. Kind of like the whole devil on one shoulder and angel on the other. But for me I have a deaf ear so I can’t hear the angel whispering in my other ear. I don’t even know if I have one on that shoulder. Anyway, he is always there, always talking to me and I fight him every day. I fight his influence over my psyche. I fight against the things he wants me to do. Don’t blog, you don’t have enough people reading your work, and it’s a waste of time. Don’t write, no one’s ever going to read it and if they do they won’t take it seriously. And never talk about me. People don’t care. Everyone has problems they have to deal with, they don’t have time to deal with yours. People tell me to just “get over it” or my favorite “there are people in wheelchairs, your life isn’t that bad.” While that second sentiment is true, all hearing things like that does is devalue my feelings. And it makes me frustrated and angry. Until you walk a mile in my shoes, don’t judge me. Don’t think you know what I’m going through. And don’t think you can empathize unless you have gone through the same thing. February is a tough month for me. My father died on the 6th and my oldest sister died in late February 2016 so her 2nd anniversary is coming up. However, this year I’m feeling defiant in the face of my depression. So I’m going to keep blogging, I’m going to keep writing, and I’m going to talk about my depression on my blog because I know realistically that I’m not alone in this daily battle. I’m part of a community with millions of others who are living despite of their depression.  And if I can embolden at least one other person to open up and talk about their depression and help them in some way it would make my struggle worth it.